Intro to One Belief at a Time is
A series of 4 x 60 minute workshops, held online, with 10 seats available.
To help you find a little more peace every day.
A series of 4 x 60 minute workshops, held online, with 10 seats available.
To help you find a little more peace every day.
Week 2: the 4 questions
Example of Barbara's Written Work
Today I was thinking about walking with Nell and the dog. We were walking side by side and then the dog veered across the path in front of me dragging Nell with her.
I was irritated. (and so this alerts me that there might be a thought that I can take to inquiry and do the work on)
My stressful thought:
I want Nell to put me first when walking, not the dog.
shorten to:
I want Nell to put me first when walking.
Is that true?
yes
Can you absolutely know it's true?
yes
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? (You may include emotions, physical sensations, how you treat them, how you treat yourself, addictions, images from the past or future, etc.)
When she lets the dog cross in front of me I judge her as not putting me first. I make her wrong.
I get angry.
I see images of her not even noticing she is crowding me off the path, leaving me behind, talking to someone who isn't there, stepping right in front of me.
Images of her ditiching our plans to do soemthing whith a family member, putting them first, not me.
Images of her going to her phone in the middle of a conversation with me, putting the phone first, not me.
I see future images of it continuing to happen, me getting angry and silent and stompy, nothing ever changing
I treat myself as deserving to be more important, to be of higher value than the dog
I judge myself as being petty and intolerant
Who would you be without that thought?
be in the moment, trying not to trip over the lead.
Noticing the dog in under my feet
Laughing as I notice my balance is good and I can stop myself from falling over
Looking at Nell's face. Seeing concentration and unsureness of how to walk with the dog. Seeing her concentration is not on me and what's happening for me but what is happening between her and the dog. Noticing she is focused on the dog.
Turnaround to the self:
I want me to put me first when walking.
Examples of "how the turnaround could be as true, or truer, than the original statement" (regular examples) or "how you could live it" (living turnaround examples) - find a mix of both if possible.
1. Yes I want to notice how walking is for me, and set a pace that feels right for me, and walk in a way that is safe for me
2. I want to be in my own business - tuning in to what I need
3. I really am the only one who can control putting me first, so seems like a really good place to start.
Turnaround to the other:
I want me to put Nell first when walking.
Examples of "how the turnaround could be as true, or truer, than the original statement" (regular examples) or "how you could live it" (living turnaround examples) - find a mix of both if possible.
1. No I want to put me first, but this is making me laugh because it's what I EXPECT her to do and I'm not willing to do it for her... so much lighter seeing this
2. compared to the dog, yes, I want talking to Nell to be the priority of the walk - I like her company. If Nell is concentrating only on the dog I feel like I miss out on a chance to connect with her
3. Hmmm what would it look like to really put Nell's needs first when walking. I could ask her what she needs. I could guess into what she needs. What do I think these are?
.... a need to practice walking the dog with me as an advisor if needed
.... a need for exercise
.... a need for conversation
.... a need for warm companionship
Turnaround to the opposite:
I don't want Nell to put me first when walking.
Examples of how the turnaround to the opposite could be as true, or truer than the original statement
1. I want her to put herself first... or whatever she wants to put first, first without me dictating to her, trying to 'teach' her how do her life right.
2. It would be kind of subservient for her to put me first - feel kind of yucky - and then I wouldn't feel like we are 2 equals.
3.
I was irritated. (and so this alerts me that there might be a thought that I can take to inquiry and do the work on)
My stressful thought:
I want Nell to put me first when walking, not the dog.
shorten to:
I want Nell to put me first when walking.
Is that true?
yes
Can you absolutely know it's true?
yes
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? (You may include emotions, physical sensations, how you treat them, how you treat yourself, addictions, images from the past or future, etc.)
When she lets the dog cross in front of me I judge her as not putting me first. I make her wrong.
I get angry.
I see images of her not even noticing she is crowding me off the path, leaving me behind, talking to someone who isn't there, stepping right in front of me.
Images of her ditiching our plans to do soemthing whith a family member, putting them first, not me.
Images of her going to her phone in the middle of a conversation with me, putting the phone first, not me.
I see future images of it continuing to happen, me getting angry and silent and stompy, nothing ever changing
I treat myself as deserving to be more important, to be of higher value than the dog
I judge myself as being petty and intolerant
Who would you be without that thought?
be in the moment, trying not to trip over the lead.
Noticing the dog in under my feet
Laughing as I notice my balance is good and I can stop myself from falling over
Looking at Nell's face. Seeing concentration and unsureness of how to walk with the dog. Seeing her concentration is not on me and what's happening for me but what is happening between her and the dog. Noticing she is focused on the dog.
Turnaround to the self:
I want me to put me first when walking.
Examples of "how the turnaround could be as true, or truer, than the original statement" (regular examples) or "how you could live it" (living turnaround examples) - find a mix of both if possible.
1. Yes I want to notice how walking is for me, and set a pace that feels right for me, and walk in a way that is safe for me
2. I want to be in my own business - tuning in to what I need
3. I really am the only one who can control putting me first, so seems like a really good place to start.
Turnaround to the other:
I want me to put Nell first when walking.
Examples of "how the turnaround could be as true, or truer, than the original statement" (regular examples) or "how you could live it" (living turnaround examples) - find a mix of both if possible.
1. No I want to put me first, but this is making me laugh because it's what I EXPECT her to do and I'm not willing to do it for her... so much lighter seeing this
2. compared to the dog, yes, I want talking to Nell to be the priority of the walk - I like her company. If Nell is concentrating only on the dog I feel like I miss out on a chance to connect with her
3. Hmmm what would it look like to really put Nell's needs first when walking. I could ask her what she needs. I could guess into what she needs. What do I think these are?
.... a need to practice walking the dog with me as an advisor if needed
.... a need for exercise
.... a need for conversation
.... a need for warm companionship
Turnaround to the opposite:
I don't want Nell to put me first when walking.
Examples of how the turnaround to the opposite could be as true, or truer than the original statement
1. I want her to put herself first... or whatever she wants to put first, first without me dictating to her, trying to 'teach' her how do her life right.
2. It would be kind of subservient for her to put me first - feel kind of yucky - and then I wouldn't feel like we are 2 equals.
3.